he told me I talked like a deaf person
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The air was thick with penises
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
