If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My pussy is not your playground.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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