Don't make out with my wife yet
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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