Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
