I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
