Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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