I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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