i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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