last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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