Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
