I just saw a hot homeless man
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
