Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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