That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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