my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
