she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
