you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
