i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
