this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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