I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
