Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
