the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
this is an emotional support booty call
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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