he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
