i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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