Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
