Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
