im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
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