ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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