Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
