Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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