If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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