Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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