u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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