I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
