420 ftw
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
