I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
