sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
