So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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