I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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