What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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