Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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