The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
