hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
