A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
