Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
