so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
