Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
