my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
