Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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