Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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