I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
